Classic

School is still going, and I am continuing to shape and mold children's lives by teaching them valuable information and life lessons. Consider the following conversation, which took place yesterday afternoon as we waited for the students to be picked up from school.

Student X tugs on my pant leg to get my attention. "Mrs. Watson, Student Y is tooting and he won't stop."

I turn around and lean down, and the foul air confirms the accusation, as does the fact that all students nearby have their shirts pulled up over their faces like bandits. "Y..."

Y is all innocence. "I can't help it! Why are they so mean to me about it?"

I try to be patient and supress my gag reflex. "Y, they are being mean because you are making them uncomfortable. You need to hold it in."

Y: "I can't!"

Me: "You need to try. If you absolutely cannot hold it, you may ask to be excused to the restroom."

It was a glorious moment. After almost eight months of not understanding his classmates' aversion to him, the lightbulb comes on for Student Y: Malodorous gas does not a friend make.